Grief essentially in its acceptance in the processes offered by Nonviolent Communication, is not a philosophical vision of life, or a view of the mind.
It is a precise practice, embodied in an openness to oneself and to the life that passes through us, knowing that this movement, oneself, and life are all one.
A welcoming posture
This practice is precise especially in the posture which is the keystone of it. It is a posture of welcome, of presence to oneself, to this living thing, approached with openness and curiosity, like an explorer who discovers another country.
If I believe that I already know who I am, or even if I believe I already know what crosses me, then what I "meet" is only the "memographic" image projected in my mind, of what I think I am, an image constructed and resulting from the sum of all the experiences lived up to this precise moment, defining my "identity".
This image has nothing to do with the incandescent freshness of the living that manifests itself at every moment. It can be practical and reassuring, and we can be grateful for that. But the incandescence of reality, on the other hand, is quite different.
Thus, in the practice of mourning offered in Nonviolent Communication, it requires no less than the audacity, bravery and honesty to face this incandescence, in other words: to face actually oneselves.
The Authentic Heart of Sadness
Here is the challenge and the content. No more and no less. A space that is so sacred, yet easily accessible, if we (1) make the first step and (2) approach it with an authentic heart, in certain wisdom traditions, it is called the Authentic Heart of Sadness.
A sadness that, in the words of Marshall Rosenberg, frame worker of Nonviolent Communication, is a sweet sadness. A "sweet pain".
There is then a dimension of rejoycing in this sadness, it is a sadness that is not sad. It already contains an element of celebration. The celebration of future transformation. What can be fully welcomed, can then be transformed, and reintegrated into the stream of our being, the stream of life istself. What we then unfold is a feeling of unity, of reconciliation with ourselves.
Even though the inner movement to achieve this practice is relatively simple, it still requires training, as this movement goes against the grain of our educational and cultural heritage, and part of our personal history lived in autopilot mode.
La liberté du naturel
The fact remains, nevertheless, that once this posture has been cultivated and this practice has been integrated, it allows us to taste a feeling of unequalled freedom: indeed, if I am free from the suffering of mourning, if I no longer resist to it, but if on the contrary I see it as an opportunity for an authentic encounter with myself, and with the life that is passing through me, then the change of paradigm is a radical shift. Stop running away from pain and suffering is to stop creating "useless pain", to add resistance to a process that is actually organic. By organic I mean fluid, spontaneous, natural.
We are asked to simply allow this naturalness to take its place.
At this point it is difficult not to draw a parallel with the society in which we live and its relationship (or lack of relationship) to Nature, and the difficulty in preserving its integrity.
This one being however indissociable from what we are intimately.
Parenthese closed, here is concretely what is the essential practice:
Un entraînement de l'esprit
In this process of Nonviolent Communication, what we call mourning is the ability to (1) recognize and (2) welcome what we call a need in lack (or not met or fed), (3) allow the pain of this need to be there, (4) without trying to change anything to its reality, to breathe with it, actively contemplating the transformation that takes place, when I am in full and simple presence with it.
At this stage, we can note all the skills that are necessary to realize this internal work:
Quality of presence, competence to "stay with it", relationship of non-resistance to the pain, and therefore what is the vision that I maintain with regard to it? Is it my enemy? Or is it my ally?
Any practice that allows the development of one or the other of those skills with a true authenticity is a path that serves this process. The rest is just view of mind.
Therefore it is this internal process that I bring support to, in individual accompaniment or in group workshops, offering tools which allow you to cultivate this posture, tasting in the end an authentic liberation and a true autonomy, directly linked to this feeling of freedom.
Welcome in your inner worlds, where shadow, beauty and light melt together, become one: Life in its magical essence, where darkness and brilliance encounter.